Journal (week of fasting)

I’m in day six of a seven-day fast, and feel compelled to document the week’s activity. I entered the fast last Saturday evening after dinner, and plan to break it this Saturday afternoon at 3 pm. I started this fast to lay a foundation of prayer and petition God for a few things…

1. My church and leaders
2. Our small group
3. The quartet I’m in
4. My family

We’re witnessing great things of God in each of these areas, and my desire is to seek God and believe Him for even greater breakthroughs; and I truly know in my heart that He led me to fast for this purpose. What I didn’t expect was to be attacked and beaten down by the enemy as I have this week. But as I look back on the last few days, I can see that pressing in to God’s presence and fasting has riled the ugliness of Satan against me.

Physically it’s been more challenging than usual, as I’ve been simply bombarded with food ads. Also, my wife and I were asked to go out to eat at Latta Watta Creek with friends. So not to be selfish we went, and I sat and drank my water while everyone else ate their delicious meals. No big deal though. Then our church had a pot-luck for the 4th of July, and I wasn’t going to miss the fellowship, so we went and I watched everyone eat their fried chicken, burgers, and desserts, and I drank my bottle of water. That was a little tougher; I love picnic food. But I remained focused.

Spiritually I feel strong, stronger than usual. By stronger I mean I’m hearing God clearer than normal. And that’s normal with a fast for me because food clouds my thinking. The food’s gone, so the cloudiness is much less cloudy, and I’m able to hear His voice and direction much clearer. And that’s the main reason for entering a fast for me; to hear the voice of God.

Emotionally has been the challenge. I wasn’t expecting this attack. I work in commission sales, and my business dried up this week, and every call was a dead end. I lost my focus on my sales leads, and the little administrative ability I possessed flew out the window. I’d look at my work and wonder “what do I do next?” I felt like a new recruit all over again. My discouragement and frustration are at all-time highs. And all this happened within the course of just a few days. Along the way, a couple of minor work issues turned into major work issues. It’s just been way out of whack. My wife and I started discussing career alternatives; something I’m not interested in doing.

I sought counsel from one of our church leaders. I have a tremendous amount of love, admiration, and trust for these folks. After sharing my story, and he asking me a few probing questions, his encouragement was “press through; finish the fast, and keep making sales calls.” You know, so many times it’s the handwriting on the wall that you need to be told. Don’t give up; this testing is for a short season. It reminded me that God had told me a couple of nights before that this fast would not be in vain.

So, I’m a day and a half away from ending this fast. I felt better after seeking help from Greg. And I also feel better after writing this entry; it’s been therapeutic. As the fast ends I will again write my thoughts, and more importantly, what God has shown me.

Brian

~ by Brian on July 6, 2007.